Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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