He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
