Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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