I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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