She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
