Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
