every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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