I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
