i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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