I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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