You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
