Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize