It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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