My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
