So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize