i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
