Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
