i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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