Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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