none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize