We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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