I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
