Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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