So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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