Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he thought i was a dude.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
