well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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