I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
