Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
