There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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