I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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