In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
