well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
