You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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