i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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