I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
