A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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