I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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