Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
