ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize