That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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