But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
