I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
