I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
