She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i drank out of a bidet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize