You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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