Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
