My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
