just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
