Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
