I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
