i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize