I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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