if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
