You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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