I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
