I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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