You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
