sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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