god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
