i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
