What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
