I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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