how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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