Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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