Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
