im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize