It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
