i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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